Free Hugs

Yesterday a few random people asked to give me a hug. When they left, the first thing I did was to check for my wallet and phone. Turns out they were just nice people spreading some Christmas love... And I got a free iPhone 6 out of it! (kidding) :-P

The Most Sophisticated Sport

Living in an international community makes you realize how primitive sports are. Europeans think American football is an idiotic form of "marching a ball down the field". Americans think soccer is a bunch of grown men spending two hours chasing a ball around a field. I suppose both sides have some truth. The main goal of almost every sport is to try to get your team's ball in the other team's goal. Except for football. Football is far more sophisticated than soccer. ;-)

eBike in a Tropical Storm

Tonight I rode my electric bike to an English lesson about a mile away, and it started pouring on my way there. Even though I had an umbrella, I arrived drenched. On my way home, the wind and rain became insane. My umbrella was bending from strong gusts of wind and buckets of water. I had my computer in my backpack, which I was worried about. However, this wasn't the worst...

As I was riding, I noticed the water in the street was getting deeper. Soon, I noticed cars and buses stalled around me, and suddenly the rushing water was literally up to my knees. I became frightened of course, not sure if the water was going to get deeper. I was sure my tiny electric bike was going to die, but somehow, miraculously, it pushed me through about 75 yards of water that stalled cars and buses. It must have been a funny picture...

When I made it to higher ground I couldn't help but laugh, amazed at my electric bike. Thank God I made it home safely with my computer and my electric bike both fine. It's nice to be clean and dry again!

Short Stories and Writings by Peter Kruse

Remembering Uncle Rob Eggers

The Most Sophisticated Sport

Free Hugs

Electric Bike in a Tropical Storm - a China Experience

A Glimpse of Heaven - Short Story about 2011 Blizzard

Fake Churches

The Sunday Paper - Short Story

All Men are Superficial - Funny Short Story

I Need You Now - Funny Short Story

Error in Translation - Funny Short Story

A Bad Impression - Funny Short Story

Peeing on Trees - Funny Short Story

Unashamed Naked People - Funny Short Story

Awkward Dating Moment - Funny Short Story

"A Glimpse of Heaven" - Short Story about 2011 Chicago Blizzard

In 2011, Chicago experienced a massive blizzard. During the peak of of this record-breaking blizzard, two friends and I had the brilliant idea of going for a drive to pick up some supplies. My one friend owned a 4 wheel drive Jeep, and we arrogantly thought we would be fine. Needless to say, we were wrong. We got stuck pretty badly. But after an hour or so of pushing in the below zero temperature, the car budged from the snow bank, and miraculously shot out of the ditch. In a moment of bliss, we quickly jumped in and inched our way towards safety. On the way home, we passed many cars that were not so fortunate. Yet the conditions were so horrible that we could not stop. Stopping got us stuck in the first place, and would all but guarantee that we would get stuck again.

On our way home, as we passed dozens of cars in ditches, I wondered what uncomfortable situations awaited the people in those cars. I imagined that some cars were filled with families of crying children. I imagined that a married couple with a rocky relationship occupied the next car (maybe this extended alone time was a foreign concept to them?). I imagined the next car contained a 16 year old guy taking a girl on their first date (maybe he knew the weather conditions in advance)?

Upon arriving at my friend's house, I realized that we dodged a rather uncomfortable bullet. If we were not able to get his Jeep out of that ditch, our night of comfort would have been traded for bitter cold, empty stomachs and a likelihood of being trapped in the snow for at least 24 hours (as many people were). Even worse, there was only one small blanket for 3 grown men, which would have made for an uncomfortable sleeping arrangement...

Sitting in the comfort of my friend's house, I had never appreciated the warmth and comforts of home so much. We threw a couple of pizzas in the oven, cracked open a few cold drinks, and cycled between playing Madden football and watching Netflix movies for the rest of the night. Going from icy blizzard to these comforts gave me a small glimpse of what heaven must be like, especially knowing that my work was going to be cancelled the next day.

- Pete Kruse

"The Sunday Paper" - Short Story

Growing up, from about the ages of 6-13 I always had a paper route with my two older brothers. Six days a week we would rubber band and deliver the papers ourselves, rain or shine, in sickness and in health, uphill both ways...you get the picture. And I remember how the rubber bands would sting if they broke on your hand and how the ink would blacken your hands after rolling up a dozen or so papers. Six days a week we'd do the paper route ourselves, yet Sundays our dad would usually help us out. Apparently there wasn't a lot of news in our town until the weekends, as the Sunday paper was always guaranteed to be huge. Because of this, our dad's help was always appreciated as we sat in the foyer together, puffy-eyed and tired, adding inserts and stuffing the forty-some "Daily Courier" newspapers into weatherproof bags. Then we'd load them into the back of our old, beat up yet reliable Oldsmobile station wagon. The back door of the station wagon could fold down so we would sit on it, and as he drove slowly down the street we'd hop off and deliver the mountain of Sunday papers until it had gradually disappeared. Sitting on the fold-down door like that probably wasn't safe or even legal but the paper route was finished in record-breaking time. Afterwards we'd almost always drive to Rollin' Donuts and relax a bit after the early morning of hard work. To this day I still haven't had a better apple fritter. It's amazing to me how moments like this, when I was a child, seemed like they would last forever. But now, decades later, I sometimes wonder where the time has gone. I am thankful for these memories and the things I learned from them as remembering them helps me to appreciate the time now that I get to share with those I love.

What's one of your childhood memories?

"All Men Are Superficial" - Funny Short Story

A couple days ago, a girl was talking telling me that all men are superficial. "They're only looking for a pretty face!" She said. Trying to be funny, I replied, "That's not true. We also look at the body." She didn't laugh.

Haircut Gone Bad

I went in to get a haircut and the lady asked me some questions that I didn't understand, so I just said "Sure" (knowing it's a decent place). So she ended up giving me a facial mask for like an hour in a room with a bunch of old women. It was pretty awkward, but my face felt soft for the next few days, which is a good thing (I think???)

"I Need You Now" - Funny Short Story

Last night I was hosting open mic and performing at a local restaurant / bar. After my first set a woman walked up to me and said, in broken English, "I need you now". I thought I misheard her, so I asked her to say it again. Finally she wrote it on her phone the same words, and I was pretty surprised. Later that night, as I was leaving, she showed me another Google Translate message on her phone. It said, "'I Need You Now' is the name of a song".

Funny Short Story - Google Translate Error!

In addition to teaching guitar and some basketball, I am also teaching some English in China right now. To keep the English lessons fun, I often buy new English kid's books from a local Chinese bookstore. While most of the books are very good, I've noticed not all of them use proper grammar all the time. In fact, I think some of them use Google Translate sometimes.

Last week, when reading a new book with a student, I realized I need to start "screening" kid's books. Basically the book was a funny kid's book about where to throw a booger. Yet in one line, the book called boogers "nose sh*t"! Unfortunately, my student ended up loving this book more than any other book, and her parents even asked me if she could borrow it!

"A Bad Impression" - Funny Short Story

Here in China, not too long ago, I was meeting a girl near the local university campus for some tea. As I was standing there, a man to my left walked up and started shouting at someone. He was getting closer to me, but I could tell he was angry at someone else near the university gate (to my right). Eventually he walked away and a different man came from behind the gate and started shouting back at the the first man. After a few minutes, the 2nd man walked away and the original man came back, this time waving two large knives in the air (I later found out that he had just stolen the knives from a local restaurant). Around that time, I decided I should probably choose a different place to wait. Yet I was too late. The guy with the knives started walking towards me, and in Chinese he asked for my phone. As I was handing him my phone, about a dozen policemen showed up. The man kindly gave me back my cell phone and dropped his knives, knowing he was outnumbered. Yet the cops noticed the man giving me something, so they also thought that I was somehow involved, and they were also getting ready to arrest me. Fortunately, the guy with the knives defended me (verbally). Yet I could tell that the cops weren't completely convinced, and they started approaching me again. The guy who was being arrested looked my way and told me to "Go! go! go!". So I did, and as I was running from about a dozen cops, my date shows up. Fortunately, the cops were more concerned about the guy with the knives than with me, so they didn't pursue me much. But I'm not sure I could have left a worse impression with the girl I was meeting!

by Pete Kruse

A Glimpse of Heaven

In February of 2011, Chicago experienced a massive blizzard. During the peak of of this record-breaking blizzard, two friends and I had the brilliant idea of going for a drive. My one friend owned a 4 wheel drive Jeep, and we arrogantly thought we would be fine. Needless to say, we were wrong,  and we got stuck pretty badly. But after an hour or so of pushing in the below zero temperature, the car miraculously budged from the snow bank. In a moment of bliss, we quickly jumped in and inched our way towards safety. On the way home, we passed many cars that were not so fortunate. Yet the conditions were so horrible that we could not stop. Stopping would pretty much guarantee that we would get stuck again. 

On our way home, as we passed dozens of cars in ditches, I wondered what uncomfortable situations awaited the people in those cars. I imagined that a family with crying children occupied the first car. I imagined that a married couple with a rocky relationship occupied the next car (maybe this extended alone time was a foreign concept to them?). I imagined the next car contained a 16 year old guy taking a girl on their first date (maybe he knew the weather conditions in advance)? 

Upon arriving at my friend's house, I realized that we dodged a rather uncomfortable bullet. If we were not able to get his Jeep out of that ditch, our night of comfort would have been traded for bitter cold, empty stomachs and a likelihood of being trapped in the snow for at least 24 hours (as many people were). Even worse, there was only one small blanket for 3 grown men...

Listening to the wind whistle fiercely outside, we had never appreciated the warmth and comforts of home so much. We threw a couple of pizzas in the oven, cracked open a few cold drinks, and cycled between playing Madden football and watching Netflix movies. These newly appreciated comforts, along with the knowledge that my work was definitely going to be cancelled the next day, gave me a short, unexpected glimpse of heaven.

"Peeing On Trees" - Funny Short Story

Over the next few days my family is going camping. But camping this week will be a little different than camping as a kid, mainly because my mom and sisters will be there. As a kid, my brothers, dad, a few friends and I would usually meet up with other cousins or uncles to go camping once or twice a year, and for us it was a chance to get away and eat bacon, play music, play board games like Risk or Rail Baron, fish, drink coffee till midnight, hike, play Frisbee, and pee on trees – activities my mom would have no part in.

I remember about a week after one of my earlier camping trips one of our neighbors called my mom to tell her she saw my brothers and I peeing on a tree in our backyard, something which my mom put an end to immediately. I don’t know what we were thinking. But camping was always one of my favorite things to do as a kid, and dreaming of the next camping trip helped me make it through many boring days of school.

Have you ever/would you ever pee on a tree?

"Unashamed Naked People" - Short Story

One of my roommates and I recently joined a local gym and I’ve been trying to go at least two or three times a week. And I’ve noticed recently that going to the gym can have its pluses and minuses. For example, when I check in and am given a key to a locker, I can either be blessed with a locker that is not surrounded by people and therefore easily accessible, or I can be stuck with a locker surrounded by talkative, outgoing, unashamed naked guys. A friend of mine once got stuck in that unfortunate situation and decided to try and maneuver his way to his locker and get out of there as quickly as possible. But apparently one of the guys next to him started talking with him and he ended up not being able to avoid a face to face conversation. Apparently this guy was a “close talker” as well, which is awkward enough when people are…well…clothed. And to make matters worse the unashamed naked guy put one of his legs up on the bench as he was growing more and more animated in his story telling. Fortunately for my friend the conversation didn’t go beyond ten minutes or so and he was able to leave the locker room with his dignity. Yet for some reason, after their conversation my friend always remembered that guy as “Ballsy McBallserson”.

Is it possible to be too unashamed of your body?

Awkward Dating Site Moment - Short Story

A few nights ago at about midnight, a girl that I've recently been talking to called me out of the blue. I was with a friend at the time and decided not to answer. The next day I texted her to catch up, and she abruptly asked me if I was still dating "that girl from Wisconsin". At this point I was beginning to think she was crazy because I couldn't for the life of me remember dating someone from Wisconsin (not that that's a bad thing). So after much confusion I decided to tell her my name. Needless to say she had me confused with somebody else, and we both got a good laugh out of the situation.

Have you ever gotten dates confused?