"All Men Are Superficial" - Funny Short Story

A couple days ago, a girl was talking telling me that all men are superficial. "They're only looking for a pretty face!" She said. Trying to be funny, I replied, "That's not true. We also look at the body." She didn't laugh.

Haircut Gone Bad

I went in to get a haircut and the lady asked me some questions that I didn't understand, so I just said "Sure" (knowing it's a decent place). So she ended up giving me a facial mask for like an hour in a room with a bunch of old women. It was pretty awkward, but my face felt soft for the next few days, which is a good thing (I think???)

"I Need You Now" - Funny Short Story

Last night I was hosting open mic and performing at a local restaurant / bar. After my first set a woman walked up to me and said, in broken English, "I need you now". I thought I misheard her, so I asked her to say it again. Finally she wrote it on her phone the same words, and I was pretty surprised. Later that night, as I was leaving, she showed me another Google Translate message on her phone. It said, "'I Need You Now' is the name of a song".

"A Bad Impression" - Funny Short Story

Here in China, not too long ago, I was meeting a girl near the local university campus for some tea. As I was standing there, a man to my left walked up and started shouting at someone. He was getting closer to me, but I could tell he was angry at someone else near the university gate (to my right). Eventually he walked away and a different man came from behind the gate and started shouting back at the the first man. After a few minutes, the 2nd man walked away and the original man came back, this time waving two large knives in the air (I later found out that he had just stolen the knives from a local restaurant). Around that time, I decided I should probably choose a different place to wait. Yet I was too late. The guy with the knives started walking towards me, and in Chinese he asked for my phone. As I was handing him my phone, about a dozen policemen showed up. The man kindly gave me back my cell phone and dropped his knives, knowing he was outnumbered. Yet the cops noticed the man giving me something, so they also thought that I was somehow involved, and they were also getting ready to arrest me. Fortunately, the guy with the knives defended me (verbally). Yet I could tell that the cops weren't completely convinced, and they started approaching me again. The guy who was being arrested looked my way and told me to "Go! go! go!". So I did, and as I was running from about a dozen cops, my date shows up. Fortunately, the cops were more concerned about the guy with the knives than with me, so they didn't pursue me much. But I'm not sure I could have left a worse impression with the girl I was meeting!

by Pete Kruse

"Peeing On Trees" - Funny Short Story

Over the next few days my family is going camping. But camping this week will be a little different than camping as a kid, mainly because my mom and sisters will be there. As a kid, my brothers, dad, a few friends and I would usually meet up with other cousins or uncles to go camping once or twice a year, and for us it was a chance to get away and eat bacon, play music, play board games like Risk or Rail Baron, fish, drink coffee till midnight, hike, play Frisbee, and pee on trees – activities my mom would have no part in.

I remember about a week after one of my earlier camping trips one of our neighbors called my mom to tell her she saw my brothers and I peeing on a tree in our backyard, something which my mom put an end to immediately. I don’t know what we were thinking. But camping was always one of my favorite things to do as a kid, and dreaming of the next camping trip helped me make it through many boring days of school.

Have you ever/would you ever pee on a tree?

"Unashamed Naked People" - Short Story

One of my roommates and I recently joined a local gym and I’ve been trying to go at least two or three times a week. And I’ve noticed recently that going to the gym can have its pluses and minuses. For example, when I check in and am given a key to a locker, I can either be blessed with a locker that is not surrounded by people and therefore easily accessible, or I can be stuck with a locker surrounded by talkative, outgoing, unashamed naked guys. A friend of mine once got stuck in that unfortunate situation and decided to try and maneuver his way to his locker and get out of there as quickly as possible. But apparently one of the guys next to him started talking with him and he ended up not being able to avoid a face to face conversation. Apparently this guy was a “close talker” as well, which is awkward enough when people are…well…clothed. And to make matters worse the unashamed naked guy put one of his legs up on the bench as he was growing more and more animated in his story telling. Fortunately for my friend the conversation didn’t go beyond ten minutes or so and he was able to leave the locker room with his dignity. Yet for some reason, after their conversation my friend always remembered that guy as “Ballsy McBallserson”.

Is it possible to be too unashamed of your body?

Awkward Dating Site Moment - Short Story

A few nights ago at about midnight, a girl that I've recently been talking to called me out of the blue. I was with a friend at the time and decided not to answer. The next day I texted her to catch up, and she abruptly asked me if I was still dating "that girl from Wisconsin". At this point I was beginning to think she was crazy because I couldn't for the life of me remember dating someone from Wisconsin (not that that's a bad thing). So after much confusion I decided to tell her my name. Needless to say she had me confused with somebody else, and we both got a good laugh out of the situation.

Have you ever gotten dates confused?